My grandfather was Benjamin McEwan, 1879–1953, the youngest son of John McEwan and Janet Stephenson. Benjamin had two wives, Frances Ostrom 1883–1910 and Olive Clements 1891–1966. My mother was part of the first family.

            Ben and Frances married in April of 1900 and had five children over the next ten years, May Irene, John Benjamin, Frances Munro, Edgar Irwin, Lilly and a male stillborn. Of these children, only three survived. My mother was the youngest.

 

            After the death of Frances, Ben married Olive and would have five more; Margaret, Kenneth Roy, Harvey B., Marie and Bernice.

 

            When Ben first married Olive they lived on Pape Avenue in Toronto and had Frances and Edgar living with them. Lilly remained with John and Janet after the second marriage. It was not long after the two older children went out to Saskatchewan to live with their maternal grandmother, Frances Ostrom. Imagine the trauma to these two older children. They first lose their mother, then their baby sister, their father, and they are sent away to a strange place where the only connection they would identify with is their maternal grandmother.

 

            Once Ben married again, it would appear he had little to do with the children he had with Frances. My mother remembers only one gift from him when she was about six. Not a doll or a fur muff (Ben was a furrier) or something a child might cherish, but instead, a set of handkerchiefs. She never spoke of any type of relationship with her father, creating a veil of secrecy about the second family. Regarding her new step-relatives, she knew very little about them, but the whispers she heard in her home with her grandparents.

 

            We will always wonder why Ben forgot about his first three children once he remarried and also why he somewhat distanced himself from the family. Our family lore contains stories, but no evidence supports this. One wonders why some of the family remembers situations one way and others have an opposite opinion.

 

            Regarding my great-grandfather Simeon Ostrom, I have more documented information to guide us to what happened. A cloak still hinders our ability to see the entire picture.

 

            These are the questions that I asked myself about both cases.

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BEN’S FAMILY

 

            Why was Lilly sent to live with the grandparents after the death of her mother? Perhaps Ben’s work made it necessary his parents took her and the other children until he remarried.  Since Lilly was still an infant, the family might have thought keeping her instead of sending her to live with the newlyweds made sense. Olive, Ben’s young wife, would have her hands full with the two older children. Why did they not send all three children to live with him when he remarried? And, why were the two older children sent out to Saskatchewan to be raised by Frances Ostrom? Were they needed to help her farm? They would have been young to be of much help. Since anyone who could answer any of these questions passed, we cannot verify the stories we are left with.

 

            I will never know what happened and why Benjamin sent his children away after he remarried because I have only what my mother remembered from her childhood or what was told to her by those who raised her.

 

            I know there were ill feelings between Benjamin and his family?

            How deep were they? We will remain in the dark. One wonders why a father would choose to give up his children. Did he marry to soon after the death of his first wife? Did his parents object to the marriage? Many unanswered questions.

 

            We all hear tales, but facts are what count. I do know there was little contact between Benjamin’s second family and his first.

            My mother only saw them on rare occasions, except for Kenneth. That is also unanswered. Why did she see just Kenneth?

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SIM’S FAMILY

 

            With Simeon Charles Ostrom we have a bit more to go on. Documents prove that he abandoned his first wife, my great-grandmother, and left her with five young children.

 

            When I started digging into my roots, I found Frances Ostrom in Toronto, living with her parents on Queen Street. She had five children, the youngest, Victoria, born in May of 1890. Her husband does not appear in the 1891 census with the family.

            Instead, Simeon is in Acton, Ontario and remarried to Sarah Rose Campbell as of October 29th 1890. It would appear that he abandoned his first wife and five children after the fifth child was born. He also had a child with Sarah Rose early the following year.

 

            We hear many stories of men who left their families in search of work never to return. This was one of them

 

            My great grandmother appears in the Toronto directory, listed as a widow. I will always wonder if she knew her husband was alive and remarried or did she think he left in search of work and perished, never to return. Was she unable to cope with his infidelity or did she even know? If she did, was it her choice to send him away? Did she call herself a widow because he was dead in her eyes?

 

            In either case, it would appear that Simeon was a bit of a cad. He fathered two children, by different wives, one in May of 1990, and the other, in April of 1991. Little Victoria his daughter born to Frances died in April of that same year her half-sister was born. She was not quite one year old.

 

            Many family situations not discussed situations in families were because of the shame attached to them. Especially the women, who were often the ones left with the largest burden. Often children were told none of the circumstances which also left them feeling abandoned.

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SUMMING IT UP

 

            Was Benjamin a selfish person, or did his family convince him to leave the children with them? Did his parents disapprove of a marriage so soon after the death of his first wife and convince him to surrender his children to them? Perhaps his new wife was ill-equipped to care for children just ten years younger than herself?

            Each of the families has information they received, but again, who gave them that information, and how close to the truth was it? We all have to gather the facts we have and make our own conclusions. What really happened? Those are the secrets that remain.

 

            When we publicise it, let’s make sure we have documents to back up our research.